Upon waking up on Sunday morning, I quickly realized that I may or may not have made a very good judgement call when I thought it was a good idea to write marital advice after having copious amounts of tequila that my sweet, party-animal of a husband so graciously kept handing to me with a smile. I actually remember writing something in the book-a beautiful large leather-bound book that was reminiscent of the “olden days”…one you’d look at and automatically assume held the keys to profound words of wisdom. I also remember going back to my table to confirm the spelling of lose. “Is it spelled ‘lose’ or ‘loose’, I asked around at my table, unabashedly. What I can’t remember for the life of me is what I was trying to convey, what I had written or what preceded or followed the word lose. Lose what? And even worse, I also remember an F-bomb in there somewhere, and keep thinking to myself…Lord, please tell me I used that as an adjective and not a verb!
Turns out…it probably wasn’t the best idea to give any sort of advice in that state…other than maybe how to do the Macarena…which obviously I had on-lock. Trust me, I saw the video. I probably should have followed the crowd and written “congratulations” and finished it with a heartfelt signature. But what can I say, I couldn’t stand seeing that word written so many times in such a beautiful book that should have held so much more meaning.
I don’t feel like I need to apologize because it most likely sounded like jiberish…which in all fairness, was. Plus, if you were even able to make out any part of what I wrote, odds are that you may have even gotten a good chuckle out of it. And I’m all for a good laugh, even if it is at my expense.
Moral of this story is…hind sight is always 20/20…am I right?
So this is my sober self giving the marital advice and congratulations a “take-two”. This time I mean it.
The credo that hinges on all marriage advice typically has something to do with communication. And from the depths of my soul, I believe this to be true. But to say “communicate with one another” seems entirely too surface to withstand any form of conflict…especially a conflict within a marriage. That is because communication becomes difficult when we don’t know how. Trust me, it sounds so much easier than it plays out in real life. Projectile vomiting words at one another can technically be categorized as communication…just not effective communication. So rather than tell you to communicate with one another, my advice is to learn how to communicate with one another.
Learn about your partner, not just what pisses him off (although this is a good one to know too) but also what makes him happy…and do more of those things. Open her door. Hold his hand. Look at her across a crowded room. Don’t yell at one another. Be fair when fighting and don’t anticipate that mind-reading is a talent that she/he withheld from you all these years. Seriously. We all find ourselves doing it at some point, and it’s not fair. Be transparent, honest and vulnerable with one another. It is only when we let our guards down that our partner’s can slowly peel the layers to see the beauty that lies underneath any exterior we put up to the world around us. Have empathy. This is pure magic. And I cannot emphasis that enough. I stand firm in my belief that we all have a universal need to be loved for who we are…without judgement or shame. Love each other unconditionally. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Always communicate. Travel together. Experience new things completely out of your comfort zone so that you are always growing individually and as a couple. Always strive to be more as a partner. Elevate your marriage game. Make out. Dance. Enjoy the sunrise. Oh…and never forget to have fun with one another. Because nothing makes a marriage more lame than forgetting how to have fun!
Congratulations on tying the knot!